Finding Support for Those Difficult Emotions

Caring for a child you did not expect to parent is one of the most stressful events a person can face. Typically, when entering kinship care it is because your family member has died, is incarcerated, is addicted or mentally ill.  Having to care for a family member's child brings significant challenges and emotions and they include:

Grief. Yours and the grief of the child you are raising.  The child is likely longing for her parent.  If her parent is still addicted and/or mentally ill, and is still involved in your lives, it can be difficult for everyone.  

Resentment. You may resent the person who can't parent.  You may even resent the child, which feels irrational.  Either way, it is a difficult emotion and takes time to sort through.

Anxiety. You may be anxious about what the future holds for you and the child.  If you are older and near retirement, you may have put your retirement on hold.  Finances may cause anxiety or if you have health concerns, that may be a worry as well.

So what can you do with these feelings?  Realize they are typical for someone in your situation.  Find a support group and attend.  Talk with a therapist who understands. Find support through extended family or your faith organization.  And check out online support groups such as www.grandsplace.org.

Whatever you do, reach out to others. Feeling connected to others in your situation can be incredibly helpful.

Look for support groups in your area.  In some areas of the country, kinship caregivers have rich resources for support. In my county, there are support groups and wonderful resources for kinship caregivers.  Check out http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/dfs/kinship/.  They offer free childcare for attendees.  

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