A Whole Big Suitcase of Emotions

Kinship Caregiving can create a myriad of mixed emotions for the caregiver.  Emotions such as guilt, shame, and resentment are common.  One thing to remember is that all emotions are valid and whether or not they are rational, they are yours.  If you name them and own them, you are on your way to dealing with them in a healthy way so that they are less likely to interfere with your parenting. Here are some emotions common to kinship caregiving:

Resentment- towards the parent who is not able or willing to care for their child. And, sometimes, towards the child. This really isn't rational for kinship caregivers and it feels strange to resent the child- who has done nothing wrong. But it is common and it happens, and if you feel that way you aren't alone.

Guilt- if your biological child is the one who won't or can't parent. You may feel guilty and blame yourself, because you feel you weren't an adequate parent. Guilt that you aren't able to give the time you would like to the child you are raising due to other obligations.  Guilt that you aren't able to give as much time and attention now to your biological children or to grandchildren you aren't raising.

Sadness- for the child.  When the child misses their parent, and longs for them and they aren't available.  If their parent has been gone a while or has died, you might be grieving yourself.

Fear- about something happening to you- creating another loss for the child.

Anger- about what others say; extended family- people in the grocery store, teachers, or others in your community.  Anger that no one seems to really understand what you and your family are going through. Anger that you have to explain who you are to the child and how you are related.

Joy- when the child you are raising lights up the room with a grin, a silly laugh, or a funny face.

These are only a handful of emotions you may be feeling. Remember again, they are all valid.  Talking with a trusted therapist may help.  A kinship care support group might be helpful too.  Remember to be gentle on yourself and keep your expectations, for yourself, in check.